suppose i'm you and you're me......

on the quest for finding myself i've finally decided to enlist outside help. this has come in the form of a self help/live your life to the fullest/create your own destiny seminar.... i'm not talking badly about it mind you. i've seen what it can do to people in their 60's all the way down to people in their mid-twentys. it looks good. i want it.

i want no part of it! it's just some wacked out scheme to make people feel in control of their lives while paying other people large sums of money to tell them what they already know! i've lived long enough to know what's going on, i dont need some shmuck in a suit to tell me anything....

what if i go and do this seminar and i turn into a different person? what if i'm not me anymore? what if i turn into one of those people who has, quote, 'drunk the kool-aid'?

what am i so afraid of? if i become a different person it has to be better than the person i am now. the person i'm so determined to hold on to. why am i so afraid of strangers and why do i worry what they think of me? i'm as much a stranger to them as they are to me....i do want it....